Two Lives, Two Destinies
by Enhas
Summary: Merlin is torn between having to choose between Arthur's destiny and Camelot, or his love.  AU after The Last Dragonlord, Merlin/Morgause.


Note: AU after the end of _The Last Dragonlord_, and nobody dies here for once! Also, I cannot for the life of me write romance particularly well, but at least I tried and I hope someone out there enjoys this.

* * *

"This definitely cannot go on for much longer, Merlin."

"I agree, but what can I do? I barely have enough time to even see you, between attending to Arthur and having to go on search parties left and right ordered by the King... what would you have me do?"

"You could leave Camelot, leave it all behind. For us."

"You know I can't do that!"

"Yes, because of Arthur's great destiny to be the Once and Future King to unite the land of Albion, I have heard it all before from you _many_ times. But I am your _wife_, is that not important to you?"

"I just hate all of the secrets I have to keep, from everyone but you."

"Mmmm..."

Morgause did not answer him with words, but instead snuggled closer to him and pressed her lips to his neck, kissing and very lightly nibbling it. Both were unclothed within their bed, having just made love, and were enjoying each other's warmth and touch from bare skin against bare skin. Neither saw the other very often, but the few hours they could spare when possible were most precious to them.

By all rights, she was an enemy of Camelot. _His_ enemy. But how could someone so wonderful, so beautiful, and so loving be anything but good? Merlin's heart and desire was constantly torn between his two responsibilities: Camelot, and her. She desired the death of Uther Pendragon above all else, which was something that he would not allow, not because he cared for the King but for his son. He argued that Uther should die a natural death, for the use of magic against him to speed it along would only harden Arthur's resolve against sorcery, but she countered that if they wait many more innocents would be put to death in the meantime.

They were at a standstill. His whole _life_ was at a standstill, and he knew that she was correct in saying that their secret couldn't be kept for much longer. She had agreed for his sake to not harm Arthur or Camelot itself, but would never give up the fight against the tyrant King of Camelot.

"You're very quiet." she said, planting a quick kiss upon his lips before resting her head against his chest.

"I've been thinking, and I know you're right. I keep dreaming about my father... the short time I knew him, the day he died. It was Uther's fault that he had to leave my mother and I, and I truly hate him for that. You've seen and experienced terrible things that I am blessed to have not, and I fully understand why you want him dead. I've been sorely tempted more times than you can think to either let him die or kill him myself, but that would be _wrong_. You don't know how difficult this is for me!"

"Yes, I do. I know you far better than you know yourself, Merlin. We would not be sharing a bed together otherwise, and I would have never married you if I did not love you. You are the only man who makes me _complete_, and that is special beyond anything I have ever known in my entire life." she said, stroking his cheek with her left hand.

"Your sister would _kill me_ if she ever found out about us. And that's nothing compared to what Arthur and everyone else in Camelot would think... at best I would be banished, but more likely I'd be sentenced to death for conspiring with a known sorceress and then would have to escape, which would still be banishment to me. I keep trying to think of a way that would satisfy everyone, a way that we could be together and still I could be a friend of Camelot... but it's absolutely impossible. I don't regret loving you, Morgause, but why does _everything_ have to be so complicated?"

"We cannot hide our marriage, our love... it is only a matter of time before it is revealed to all. We may have well created a new life together this night, and if not it is quite likely we will at some point. Once I am found to be with child, I know that you will want to be in your son or daughter's life, because you were denied a father yourself. Whether you like it or not, Merlin, the choice will be made for you if you do not act!"

"I know! I would never abandon you or our children! It's just... I want to be able to have you, and still be loyal to Arthur. When I'm alone in Camelot, I'm always thinking of you, and I am never leaving you no matter what might happen. My aid to Arthur has always been in secret, in the shadows... and even when we are discovered it will make no difference. I will always protect him, and I will always protect _you_ as well. Sometimes I think you should have just killed me when I came to you, it would have made things a whole lot easier!"

"Merlin! I know you are not being serious when you say that, and as punishment I command you to... massage my shoulders! They have been a tad sore as of late."

She turned over to lie on her stomach, with her face pressed against the pillows. Golden hair cascaded down her nude back, and she breathed very softly despite her excitement. Merlin propped himself up to lay upon his side, and leaned in close to apply a short kiss to each shoulder before he went to work as ordered.

"These hands can do a lot more than mucking out stables!" he said. Morgause lightly moaned in response at his touch, her eyes closed in contentment. "Glad to see that you like them!"

* * *

Aside from the man who had married them in Cenred's Kingdom, who was sworn by both to secrecy, absolutely nobody else knew of their marriage. They had celebrated their six-month wedding anniversary as husband and wife that night, but he had been seeing her in secret for nearly a year. It was Merlin's greatest secret, even more so than his magical abilities, because it had changed _everything_.

Arthur had granted him a week's worth of leave from his service, under the guise that he wanted to visit his mother in Ealdor. Morgause told Morgana that she needed to be away for some time, for an important and personal reason, which was no lie. The seven days that followed their wedding were the happiest and most joyous they ever had, as they were free from what was expected of them, and lived and loved as they wanted to with no obstacles between them.

It all began not long after Merlin and Arthur had returned to Camelot after defeating The Great Dragon. The young warlock truly had no-one to confide in, especially after meeting his father for the first time and then losing him. Combined with Morgana's 'kidnapping' by Morgause and Uther's frantic search to find her, which had been the result of his poisoning of her, it had all become too much to handle. He needed to get away from it all.

What he did to Morgana was something that continually haunted him, and he knew that if she ever saw him again that she would never forgive him and would most likely tell the King of his murder attempt, which would buy him a spot on the pyre. One night he had awoken with such fright and drenched in a cold sweat, that he wasn't thinking clearly and decided to sneak out of Camelot in the middle of the night, alone.

He wanted to find Morgana. He didn't know _how_ he would, but he needed to find her.

Merlin wandered for what seemed to be hours before he _did_ come across someone. It was a woman, but not the woman he wanted to see. She was going to kill him, and his body would be left to rot forever within the deep forest. Nobody would ever know what had happened to the Prince's manservant.

Her form-fitting red dress and the blond locks surrounding her face confirmed his suspicions, once she moved as to be more clearly seen in the moonlight. It was Morgause.

"Where is Morgana?"

"She is not here. And even if she was, I would not let her anywhere near you. She is still very weak from the hemlock you gave her to _quench her thirst_! I think a better question may be: Why are you here?"

"To find Morgana. I... I really didn't want to do what I did to her, you left me with _no_ other choice. Everyone in Camelot was going to die!"

Morgause looked stunned for a moment at his statement, but took a few steps toward him and replied. "You fool! Uther Pendragon was the only target! I would have recalled the Knights and released the spell as soon as he was dead, but you ruined _everything_. You are just a servant, and yet you know of things far beyond your station that you should rightfully not. Morgana truly hates you, you know. She counted you among her greatest of friends and you betrayed her! I will not allow you to see her, and you are soon going to die."

The witch uttered something under her breath that Merlin could not make out, and a torrent of flame erupted from her outstretched palms. He was too close to be able to dodge it, and if it connected with him then Morgause's prediction about his upcoming death would become true.

Instinctively, his eyes shone gold for a moment and stopped the fire in its tracks, giving him just enough time to sidestep out of the way. When time resumed around her spell, it continued forward before crashing into a large tree behind him, setting it aflame. Not wanting the rest of the forest to burn around them as well, he conjured a brief but fierce rainstorm that put out the flames and drenched them both.

Morgause didn't respond to him for quite a while after that.

_The Prince's manservant is a sorcerer, and a powerful one at that even though his magic is wild and untrained. But why does he side with those who would hate him if they discovered his true skills?_

"You have surprised me, Merlin. Neither I nor my sister ever suspected you of having magic, though it does explain a lot. I suspect it was your doings that prevented Arthur from killing his father. Am I right?"

"Yes. I couldn't let him do it, he would have never forgiven himself if he had. Morgause, I... I'm so sorry for what I did to Morgana, and for even being here at all. I've been told over and over again to hide my magic and yet I was careless enough to reveal it to you of all people. I just can't take _anything_ anymore, and if it wasn't for Arthur's destiny I just might have let you hit me with that spell."

"It is probably for the best that you leave, and that you do not see Morgana. Perhaps we could have been allies if things had been different."

She readied herself to teleport away, but felt Merlin's hand grabbing her arm. "Wait. Please, just for a few moments."

Morgause didn't understand why she had listened to him instead of leaving or attempting to destroy him again, but she did. "What do you want? Don't mistake my having let you go as mercy, for I _will_ likely kill you if I see you again."

"When you showed Arthur his mother... was that really her?"

"Yes, it was. She was among the noblest and kindest women I have ever met, and I still have fond memories of her. It was a gift to Arthur, and he needed to know the truth. Is that all? You can let go of my arm when you feel ready, as well."

Not having realized that he was still restraining her, he quickly jerked his hand away.

"I don't even know _why_ I am saying this... but you have helped me a lot this night, even if you didn't intend it, just by _listening _to me. I sympathize with your hatred of Uther Pendragon, and my father had to flee for his life and to protect my mother and I because of him. It was not a week ago that I met him, and he died. I finally meet my father and he _died_, Morgause. But don't you understand what it would do to Arthur if his father were murdered, especially by magic! He would become just as bad, if not worse than him!"

She did not reply, but turned her back and walked away from him. He was ready to then leave himself before she spoke five words that would forever change their destinies, before teleporting away: "Return here in a week."

Morgause did not know why she had said that. Merlin was her enemy, and someone who had very nearly killed her sister, but she was intrigued by the younger man. She had seen that he was deeply troubled and depressed, and had confided secret things to her that she was sure nobody else had known about, in particular that he could use magic. She still wanted to kill him for what had happened to her sister, but at the same time she wanted to know him first. Merlin was far more than just a simple manservant.

Merlin knew better than to trust Morgause, but exactly a week later he did return to that forest, in the very same spot near the blackened tree from their short battle. She had not told Morgana about their meeting, or that he was a sorcerer, of which he was grateful.

Little did they know that was the beginning of something extraordinary, of which neither of them had ever expected. They met again the next week, and a week after that, before deciding to meet whenever possible. They were still on opposite sides of the battlefield in regards to the fate of Uther Pendragon, but had become friends, and in time much more. If not for Merlin's rashness and Morgause's hesitation that particular night, the fate and path of both would have been as far away from each other as light and dark, but everything had changed. Love can blossom from many different roots and branches, and took hold between Merlin and Morgause due to a chance meeting, and grew tighter between them and never let go.

* * *

"Morgause?"

"Yes, Merlin?"

"I was just remembering the first time I spoke with you. Even then I noticed just how nice your eyes were, but sadly at the time I was too preoccupied with your sword being shoved in my chest. Not exactly a great first impression from either of us."

Both were fully dressed, and Merlin was about to return to Camelot and Morgause to the castle where she and Morgana lived. He had been there only once, during the ill-fated challenge given by his wife to Arthur, and hadn't seen much of it. They had a secret place to spend time together, a small house built along a riverside far from Camelot, and protected and warded by spells to prevent it from being seen by prying eyes. Both hated to have to leave it, and each other.

"It is the future that truly matters. I think both of us realize that more now than ever." said Morgause. "Soon I will have to tell Morgana of us, and you will have to tell those you love. I fear losing my sister and you fear what Arthur will think. She wishes to return to Camelot and I cannot stop her, for she wants to be among her friends again and at the same time have revenge upon Uther. I don't regret you, Merlin, for you have made me a better person and truly I love you."

"I love you too, Morgause. And you've made me better as well. Never forget that."

After kissing her goodbye, Merlin mounted his horse and rode away, returning to his duties in Camelot. He had two lives, two destinies, and sooner or later they would collide. He only hoped that, somehow against all odds, that both would survive the crash.


End file.
